In my last post, I talked about why comparing ourselves to others is a bad idea, and I promised to provide some suggestions for how to start to make changes in your life.
There is an old saying, often used in public speaking to make a point, that says, “The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things, but expecting to get a different result.” How many people do you know who could be hospitalized based on that definition? Should a doctor start writing a prescription for you?
The first thing you need to do to make a change in any area of your life, is to turn your thoughts around.
Why do you need to change your thoughts? Because what you think about is what you get. If you want to accomplish more in your life, if you want to be motivated, you have to be able to think motivating thoughts. If you’re down in the dumps because your relationship with the boss is strained, you must start thinking differently about it.
Sustaining those thoughts takes effort, energy and a conscious decision to do so, especially in the beginning. So, what’s the answer? Baby steps. Start small, and build on your successes.
I listed the following suggestions:
- Stop comparing yourself to others.
- Stop beating yourself up about your situation.
- Start looking for supportive input.
- Take action on good ideas.
Let’s take a look at the first bullet – Stop comparing yourself to others. Easier said than done, right? Well, get ready – when it comes to making changes, almost everything falls into that particular category. But, take heart! You can do it!
The good news about comparing yourself to others is that it’s all done in your head! It’s completely within your power to simply stop thinking that way, and there’s nothing external to you that is required.
The bad news about comparing yourself to others is that it’s all done in your head! It’s a habit that you’ve developed over many years, and old habits can be hard to break. Unfortunately, there’s no pill you can take, nothing you can buy, no one person to punish that can break the habit. You’ll just have to work at it – the same way you worked at creating the habit!
First, you need to be aware that you’re doing it, and when. This is probably the toughest part of the whole process, since these thought patterns become second nature – we don’t have to make an effort to think them; they just come automatically.
Make an effort to be more aware of your thoughts throughout the day. At first, it may be difficult. Your mind will run off on tangents, and you’ll get lost in them. That’s OK. Just keep trying. With practice, you’ll find that you can recognize certain thought patterns, and possibly things that trigger those patterns.
As an example, let’s say that a co-worker is the same age as you. He or she has managed to achieve certain goals that you’re still struggling to reach. They may not flaunt it intentionally, but when you see them in their new car, you may feel as though you’re a failure in your career. You haven’t gone as far as fast, and you can’t see any reason why.
That’s the time to catch yourself!
Start right there to redirect your thoughts. The past is behind you. You’ve made your decisions and taken your actions, and they brought you to this place. Accept where you are, and look forward toward where you want to be. Turn your focus to what you want, and away from what you don’t have or didn’t do.
The past doesn’t matter, except as a history lesson. The only thing that matters is how you process the circumstances you are in now, and the actions you take from this point onward. Life is not a race, and that co-worker is not ahead of you.
So, start small. Make a list of goals; things you’d like to have, do or be. Don’t filter it with excuses or rationalizations. If you’d like to be the Queen of England, put it on the list! This isn’t about being realistic. It’s about stimulating your subconscious mind.
Don’t worry about finishing the list in one sitting – or even finishing it at all. We should all be continuing to add to our lists throughout our lives.
Don’t show it to anyone. This is a list of personal dreams, desires and fantasies. If you expect to be showing it to someone else, you will be far more likely to impose restrictions on what you include. So, if you are a 40 year old man, and have a frivolous desire to dance down the street in a pink tutu and fireman’s boots, put it on the list! You’re not making plans for your future here.
Allow yourself to smile, laugh, giggle, as you make this list. A big part of the purpose of this exercise is to make you feel good. So, the more fun you have with it, the better.
That’s it, for now. Just get started. Include whatever you like. A week or a month from now, if you look over your list and see something that doesn’t appeal to you any more, you’re completely free to take it right back off the list.
So, let your imagination run! Have some fun with this exercise, and I’ll have more to say in my next post.