Personal Fires

One thing at a time. It’s all you’re capable of. Whether or not you believe yourself to be working on many things, it’s not actually true. You are actually working on one thing while being distracted by others.

You can see that this is true if you become aware of your mental chatter when you are focused on a task. If you are thinking about what’s coming up next, or what troubles you may have getting it finished, then these are simply concepts which are floating through your mind.

These concepts aren’t always necessarily helpful. So it’s important to be aware of them. The reason to be aware of them is so that you can recognize how much energy they are taking from you. If you have background noise going on while you are trying to put your efforts into something; can you see how that will require more energy?

It’s likely that you feel stressed out, because you don’t know how to quiet this mental chatter. Or possibly it’s an anxious feeling which you constantly experience. It’s as if something is missing from the present moment but your not quite sure what.

It’s difficult when this mental habit overshadows everything you attempt to do. You may wonder how come you are not as focused as you once were. You might think that you are not capable of dedicating yourself to only one thing at a time.  Nothing could be further from the truth. You are completely capable. It is this capability which is contributing to the mental feedback you’re getting.

It’s not necessarily your fault that this mental habit has developed. We live in a very fast paced society, where more and more is expected from us. We are expected to keep up with work, take care of the children, communicate with friends and family, and maintain a household. On top of that, you may be attending school in order to acquire advanced skills to advance in your career. All this is going on with the background noise of the news media contributing to our worries.

While it may feel as if the news is important,  we should not allow the media to have an impact on the present concern. If you are constantly worried about the economy, or war, or political decisions, there is no wonder why you can’t stay focused! There is simply too much on your plate at one time.

If you want to get rid of that nagging voice; then you need to make a decision. You must make a conscious choice that you will not distract yourself with thoughts that do not have a present concern. Sure, at some point you may want to address these issues, but you must do it in your own time. You cannot save the world, and focus on your current task  at the same time!

I know that this mindset might seem to belittle some of the cares which you have right now. So what though! Are these cares helping you or hindering you? I think it would be safe to say that they aren’t contributing to your success. After all, successful people are focused. They know what they can control, and what they cannot. A successful individual knows that you can only handle one thing at a time.

Perhaps the image that you have of a successful person is someone who is constantly working. Is it important to be constantly moving in order to attain success? What does success mean to you? Are you comparing it to someone else’s idea of success?

I bring up success because I think it’s what most people tend to be striving for in one way or another. I could be wrong about this. Of course the idea of success is different for everyone. Some may think that success is eliminating poverty or disease; while others see success as acquiring material wealth. Whatever your idea of success is, it must be realized one step at a time. To put too much pressure on yourself while you work towards your goals, will not help you. In fact, whether you reach your goals or not,  will you have enjoyed the process of getting there?

If you are the type of person who has thoughts, concepts or ideas constantly on the backburner, then let them stay there. Just make sure that they are not showing themselves as a string of thoughts which interrupt you while you are dedicated to working on something else. I know this statement might seem contradictory. How is it possible to have something on the backburner, without having constant thoughts related to it? Easy – write it down, and forget about it. You will come back to it, if it’s important.

The habit of staying completely present may not come easily at first. Though, I highly recommend making a committed effort to do so. If you start to see yourself as someone who is highly aware, focused and present,  rather than someone who is always worried or distracted, then you will surely notice a change in your thinking.

In order to become a person who is focused entirely in the present, I strongly recommend practicing meditation. If meditation is something which you are completely uninterested in, thats ok. Maybe you would be better off starting a hobby. Or take an activity which you already do, and just remind yourself to be completely immersed while you do it. Eventually this mindset will carry over to other activities.

Acting from this centered, highly focused state will allow you to access creative insights which you may have been missing out on before. Have you ever noticed, that while you are just relaxed and having fun, interesting ideas seem to pop into your head out of nowhere? It has everything to do with a state of “flow”.

I’ve challenged myself personally to act more in a state of present awareness. Within a short period of time I’ve noticed a dramatic change in the amount of mental chatter I consciously engage in. I encourage you to challenge yourself, and see how it feels to “turn off” the mental chatter and just let go. I promise you that you will be glad that you did. After all, what are you really missing out on?

For those of you not old enough to get the full meaning behind the title; Memorex is a company that was a big player in the field of recording media. When cassettes were at the forefront of technology, the biggest issue was the quality of recording you could get. Memorex ran a series of commercials suggesting that recordings made on their tape would be so good you’d have to ask, “Is it real? Or is it Memorex?”

Here’s where I’m going with this. Our subconscious minds control our physical bodies, but our conscious minds can be used to program our subconscious.

For example, if you want to do something physical, like pick up a book, you may think that your conscious mind is controlling the action. Not so. Your conscious mind only sets the intention and monitors progress. It is your subconscious that controls all of the muscle functions required to walk across the room and reach for the book. You could not possibly do it with your conscious mind; there are far too many things involved.

Dr. Wayne Dyer uses the best example I’ve ever heard to demonstrate how the subconscious controls the physical. This works better if someone speaks it to you, but you can still get a feel for it by reading through the process.

Close your eyes and imagine you are standing at your kitchen counter. In front of you is a wooden cutting board. On it sit a sharp knife and a lemon. The lemon is very large – almost as big as an orange – and beautiful. The color is a deep yellow.

In your mind, pick up the lemon. Feel the weight of it in your hand. It has mass. It presses against your fingers as you move it in the air. Feel the texture of it. Its skin is tacky and full of large pores.

Now, raise the lemon to your nose and sniff. Smell the fresh citrus.

When you are ready, put the lemon back on the cutting board and pick up the knife. Use it to cut the lemon in half. See the juice squirt as you make the cut. This is the ripest, juiciest lemon you’ve ever seen.

Cut off a one-inch thick slice, and then cut that slice in half so you now have a couple of nice, thick half-moon pieces. Pick one up. Feel the juice run across your fingers as you raise it to your face. The lemon smell is even stronger. Now, open your mouth and take a big bite of it, filling your mouth with lemon pulp.

Right now, what’s happening in your mouth? Are your saliva glands working overtime? Can you taste the lemon?

But, wait! There’s no lemon! How is this possible?

It’s possible because you’ve seen, held, smelled and (probably) tasted lemon before. Your mind has recorded that information, and when you imagined doing those things again, that tape recorder between your ears simply replayed the experience.

But what’s truly amazing is that the physical world (your body, and specifically, your mouth) responded as if it was really happening!

This demonstration works as well as it does because of the strength of our bodies’ reaction to the sensations we experienced the first time we smelled, tasted, etc., a lemon. The same thing happens when we replay a recording of the same activities, only using something more bland, like a banana or a graham cracker. It’s just that the reactions are a lot more subtle, so they are harder to notice.

The physical body will react to the mental impression in exactly the same way it reacts to the physical impression.

So, what happens if you have no prior experience with something you are imagining? As an example, most people in the U.S. have never had any exposure to durian. It’s a fruit found in southeast Asia.

If you tried the above experiment, using durian as the subject, you would have very little, if any, reaction from your physical self. This is because your subconscious mind has no reference, no recording to play back.

On the other hand, if I gave you this description of it I found on the Internet…

“Walk through the vegetable stalls in Singapore or Bangkok during durian season and you’ll swear the city’s sewage disposal system is on the blink. English novelist Anthony Burgess, in fact, has said that dining on durian is a lot like eating vanilla custard in a latrine.”

…even though you still had never even seen it, you would have a physical reaction.

So, we now know why creative visualization doesn’t work for some people; they have no frame of reference. It’s virtually impossible for someone earning $300 a week to imagine what it’s like to make $1,000,000 in a year, and believe it’s possible for them. They’ve never done anything like that. It’s not recorded in their subconscious. There’s no tape to replay.

Even believing that they could make just another $100 per week can be difficult. After all, that’s a 33% increase in income. On the other hand, someone earning $50,000 per year can easily believe that they can find another job that would pay them $55k. It’s a much smaller leap of faith.

BUT! Visualization does work, and it can work for everyone. Here’s how:

First, we need to understand that – NEWSFLASH! – people are different. Some of us need only to be told that something is possible, and we will accept it completely. Others need to be shown the proof, in no uncertain terms.

If you are among the fortunate ones who can imagine yourself in a scenario, can invest emotion into it and believe in it, you need only create your desired situation in your mind and focus on it. See yourself in it, living it, enjoying it. Create a vision board. Use affirmations. Whatever ‘clicks’ for you (you’ll know it when it happens) is what you should use.

Those who need a more grounded technique will simply need more time. The same techniques mentioned above can work for you, too, but they will take much more time. Never-ending repetition (brainwashing) will slowly change your beliefs, but it’s not any fun, and few of us have the willpower to subject ourselves to it voluntarily. Instead, I suggest a baby-steps method.

Start by choosing an area of your life you’d like to improve. Since we were just talking about income, let’s use that topic.

Your objective at first is to bring more money into your life; not necessarily to be paid more on your job. Pick a believable dollar amount that would make you feel good, and a time frame that is reasonable. For example; $500 in 60 days. If $500 is too big to believe, go with $100, or $50. The specific amount is not important, but it should be just big enough for you to feel a little bit of surprise when it happens. And a little bit of pride, too!

Dedicate a few minutes (10-20 is all you need) a day to focusing on this extra money coming into your life. Make plans for what you’ll do with it, and imagine how you’ll feel when you get to spend the money.

Do not put any attention on how the money will appear. Do not try to plan a method to obtain it. Do not spend time questioning whether this will work, or coming up with reasons why it won’t. This exercise is about having fun, so focus on that. You don’t have to believe in it, and it’s OK to feel foolish doing it (a common issue in the beginning). You should be able to smile about it at the end of each session, so have fun with it.

This is a set-it-and-forget-it process. Focus on the goal during the appointed time, and forget about it the rest of the day. If you are diligent about this activity, you WILL see that extra money come into your life in the designated time frame.

* There are few hard and fast rules in this game, but I’m going to suggest that you abide by this one: You MUST spend this extra money in a way that makes you feel good. It MUST be used for something fun. No bill paying, unless it’s a final payment on a credit card or car loan, etc. – something you can celebrate! *

Try it, and let us know what happens.

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In my last post, I listed 5 ways to create happiness in your life – right now!  Here are ideas 6-10.

6-Accept things as they are – Especially yourself
Self-acceptance can be a profound step towards realizing your happiness. I say realizing your happiness, because it lies inherently within, always waiting for a chance to be brought out.

We all spend a great deal of our time attempting to live up to standards of society. Whether it’s the standards which your parents or friends set for you, we are constantly trying to make others happy. Doing this sets us up to live a life which is not our own. Reclaiming your life is one of the most powerful things you can choose to do, in order to assure your own happiness.

As much effort as you place into making others happy, you will never be able to fulfill all of their expectations. It is up to them to assure their own happiness. So the best thing you can do for them, is to live your life while helping them realize their own inherent beauty.

“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. ” – Salvador Dali

As people we are innately imperfect. We will always contain a vision of what we hope to be, which will exceed what we actually are. There are people out there who have achieved high levels of success but still cannot find satisfaction.  Holding yourself to a high standard is good. It becomes a hindrance though, when you compare yourself to an ideal self which you haven’t had time to actualize. Seeing yourself as capable of accomplishing everything you hope to, is healthy for your self-image. We have to realize though that the self that we want to be, may not always be in line with the self that we are. You cannot compare the two. You are perfect even with all of your perceived shortcomings. The self-image begins to suffer when we compare ourselves to an ideal self, or judge our achievements against someone else’s. Recognize this habit when you do it, and cut it from your mental process.

An excellent way to grow the habit of self-acceptance is to practice metta meditation. This meditation is also known as “loving-kindness meditation”. It will allow you to truly accept things as they are, while extending the same compassion to others. This practice will help you build strong personal relationships which is important to living a life full of happiness.

7-Feel your breath.
I mean really FEEL your breath.  If you practice meditation then you realize how much importance is placed on breathing. For good reason.

Focusing on the breath does several positive things for us.
- Switches focus from mental chatter to present awareness
- Slows you down, removing the sense of being rushed
- Relaxes the sympathetic nervous system (Which is activated in times of stress)
- Proper breathing brings more oxygen into your system

When you focus on the breath,  your body, your mind and sense of time will come to focus on this single point. Enough cannot be said about the positive effects of focusing on your breath.  There are several techniques which can guide you to developing a healthy breathing method. Breathing properly will alleviate some of the stress caused by tense muscles, along with other symptoms caused by misuse of the body.

The body is a structure composed of several finely balanced systems. We use these systems in such harsh ways all throughout the day. This use can take its toll in many forms. By establishing good breathing habits, we can come to notice the balance which needs to be maintained in our body. The balancing effects of proper breathing will extend to balancing the mind and emotions. Regulating emotions will help you become more in tune with a state of happiness, even in times of stress.

8-Listen to some music
Everyone should have a musical selection which lifts their mood. Whether its an old album which reminds you of your youth, or a cutting edge band which gives you a good vibe, choose something that speaks to your soul.

There is a ton of music out there. Just because it’s played on the radio doesn’t mean it’s good.  Take some time to get familiar with bands which aren’t found on the pop charts. Try listening to something which you hadn’t considered before. Classical music isn’t strictly for college professors or doctor’s office waiting rooms. At the same time, all Hip-Hop isn’t necessarily strictly for urban youth.

You may be surprised at what really moves you. Inspiring messages can be found in music across cultures. Which is why it’s so important to open yourself up to trying new things.

If you’re really having trouble finding something,  just ask a friend who their favorite band is. Hopefully you’ll discover something which is entertaining as well as enlightening.

Recently I’ve been enjoying the genre of  ambient music. Ambient music is great for playing in the background while you work because it doesn’t  have a vocal track. The laid back instrumentals really help you stay focused while providing an uplifting rhythm to keep you energized. If your interested in something like this, then check out the multitude of stations available on itunes radio. I find that the “Groove Salad” station always seems to play just what I need at the time. To access it, download the itunes player (http://www.apple.com/itunes/); then on the left hand side, under library, you will be able to select “radio”. From there you will see the available genres.

It may take a bit of searching but I’m certain you’ll find something there which suits your needs. Best of luck and happy listening!

9-Doodle
I love to draw. It calms my nerves and clears my mind.  Sometimes though it can become frustrating.  It only becomes frustrating though, when trying to create something which must live up to a critical judgment.   Thats why I recommend doodling.  Not only is it great practice for training visual memory, but also,  anyone can do it . Chances are pretty good that you doodled through most of your boring classes in school.

Doodling is fantastic, because it allows you to really let go. There is no particular aim with doodling, so there is no judgmental voice. Whether you scratch out a few squiggly lines, or draw a stick figure army, it’s going to release stress.

Doodling can be compared to something like stream-writing. It’s a tool which we can use to access areas of the subconscious. When you doodle with no particular aim, then whatever is on your mind will just jump out onto the paper. Often this happens without you even realizing it.

Just set some time aside and tell yourself that you are not going to focus on anything else but this task.  If you are more of a verbal than visual person though, you may prefer stream-writing. Either way, be sure to set about 10 minutes aside for the task. Remind yourself that this is the only thing that is important right now while letting your mind forget about your worries. Then, doodle to your heart’s content.

The more you focus on what you’re doing then the more you will forget about you worries. Have fun, and draw something crazy. How often do you get to exercise your imagination during the work day? This could be just the mental stretch you needed to help you express your inner child.

10-Watch a comedy bit
There are so many great comedy routines out there.  Comedy has evolved so much thanks to the work of comics who were not afraid to push their boundaries. There’s no need to listen to comic legends just to get a hearty laugh though.  Whether you like lighthearted humor, or a clever play on words, you should be able to find what you are looking for online.  Just do a quick search on youtube for your favorite comedian. You might not find the routine you were looking for, but it’s possible that you’ll find material which you never knew existed.

Laughing is a good way to take a mental break. There is a reason that people say laughter is the best medicine. Humor is at the heart of what it means to be alive. When we take life too seriously we become worn out. Humor is a quick way to inject a bit of happiness in your life when you need it most.

If you don’t have time to read and apply everything here, do the next best thing and watch this video: Don’t Worry Be Happy!

Article by Lloyd from Clear Mind Meditation Techniques

“10 ways to create happiness in your life – Right now”

Before I get into the body of this post I’d like to clarify a few things about what to expect from it. Originally the thought came to mind of writing about several items which you can do to put a smile on your face right now. I wanted to outline, what you might call, quick fixes. While I do want to include a few items like that, I realized that happiness isn’t always a short term pursuit. Happiness is most enjoyed when it is built on a strong foundation of personal understanding.

For the sake of  pointing something out, here is a question to gauge your perspective on happiness. What do you think will make you happier, a chocolate bar, or completing a college education? It seems like a silly question. Of course there is no comparison between the two, but most likely you still had an answer. In actuality it was kind of a trick question. Research has shown that we are terrible at predicting what will make us happy.

You may have already noticed this in your day-to-day life. You get something which you’ve been striving for only to experience joy for much less time than you anticipated. Maybe though, the focus should be elswehere. How did you feel prior to attaining your goal? Research seems to back up the saying “Success is a journey, not a destination”.  University of Wisconsin neuroscientist Richard Davidson has found that focused attention towards a goal, along with motivated effort, activates pleasurable feelings of significance and purpose as well as counteracting negative emotions.

My hope is that you will walk away from reading this with a deeper understanding of how to achieve satisfaction in life. We can’t always expect to have instant happiness, life just doesn’t work that way. If we really hope to achieve lasting happiness, I believe its worth investing some time to truly understand it.

1- Decide that happiness is part of your character

Character is higher than intellect… A great soul will be strong to live, as well as to think. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We would all like to have more happiness in our lives. This desire is so universal that countless hours of research have been spent on discovering the root causes of happiness. It would be nice if you could read a few magic words, understand it, and magically have happiness in your life. For some reason it doesn’t seem to work like that. You can read about happiness until you are blue in the face, but it won’t do a bit of difference until you decide to take action in your life.

The wonderful thing about this, is that you can make it happen. That is probably one of the most exciting aspects of what it means to be human. We are dynamic beings who are capable of self-directed positive action. Building your character with this thought in mind will help you become impervious to negative thinking. Remaining focused on positive feelings will allow you to  constantly move forward in happiness.

We are not simple creatures, so there certainly won’t be one easy way to fix our problems. This is why it’s necessary to build a strong mental foundation to prevent negative emotions from taking root. Experiencing unhappiness is fine, everyone goes through tough times sooner or later. It’s what we do with the experience that will lay the groundwork for how we feel as time passes. Now, are you someone who is going to make the most of a situation, or are you going to let the situation defeat you? Often negative emotions stir up when we feel overwhelmed. Frustration, resentment and fear occur because we experience circumstances in life where we don’t have control. We fall short of the mark in some way. Not knowing how to respond in a positive way forces us to act out with a coping mechanism.  We must realize the negative emotions for what they are. These negative emotions do not make us who we are. Rather they are passing feelings which we can use to guide us. As long as we make the conscious decision to take the energy of those feelings, and redirect them in a positive way, we can move forward towards creating happiness.

You are the only one who can make that decision. How you react to circumstances in your life  depends greatly on your self-image. The values you hold, and the way you see yourself help define your character. While changing your character may not happen over night. You can begin to build it by taking responsibility for your decisions.  Your personal growth will develop the self-image you carry.  Since you have made the decision not to let negative emotions control your actions, you already realize the need to transform them.

Train yourself to look at negative emotion as a guide post. When you experience them, you know you are headed in the wrong direction. With a strong character, you can steer yourself away from feelings which will have you moving down the wrong path.  When you feel that something is not right, trust yourself. Do the right thing, and happiness is sure to follow.

2-Set goals, work towards them
As stated in the introduction, sometimes it’s not acquiring or achieving something which brings happiness. Working towards a worthwhile endeavor in life often brings as much, if not more satisfaction, than it’s attainment.

If you were to look at your life right in an honest manner, then you may find that the root of your unhappiness is a deep-seated desire for change. it may be change that you don’t see as possible in the present moment. The need for change can be the source of feelings which you hide from yourself in order to get by. Confronting these feelings is a good way to recognize something worthwhile to work towards. Negative feelings are not always bad. If we pay attention to them we can learn from them. Stress or frustration comes from discontent. What is the source of this discontent? Take some time to question feelings you may have been hiding. Even if you aren’t able to attack your loftier goals directly, you may be able to set smaller goals which help you get to where you need to be. When it comes to goal setting, be realistic. Nothing can set you back more than disappointing yourself with an unattainable goal. Don’t add to the frustration by setting yourself up for failure.

Working towards a goal can also keep us thinking about the positive aspects of our future. Setting a goal eliminates the stress associated with indecision. When there are too many options available to us, it causes hesitation. Thinking about lost opportunities, or other options, keeps us caught in the past. It’s what psychologist Barry Schwartz calls the “Paradox of choice”.

You’ve found your way onto this site. Which means you probably have self-improvement goals that your working towards. Visiting this site is one thing, but clearly defining what you hope to achieve is something else entirely. When you set a goal and begin to work towards it, acknowledge your efforts. Recognizing the positive actions you’re taking will change the way you see your present circumstances. When you lose yourself in your work, the way you view things seems to transform on its own.

3-Call a friend
Positive psychologist Chris Peterson says that building strong personal relationships should be one of your highest priorities. But I’m sure you already knew that. Which is why the suggestion to call a friend has already put a smile on your face. Connecting with someone in a meaningful way provides rewards on many levels. Having someone there for you when you need to vent is just one of them. Just because you need to vent, your friend will not think less of you. We all need to vent. If you are there for them when they need a shoulder to lean on, then chances are they will help you through your tough times. Rather than looking at you as weak, the opportunity to help you, will build trust in the relationship. You will be seen as someone who isn’t afraid to let down their guard and show their true self. We are social creatures, with a wide range of emotions. Sharing what you really think will give you a chance to listen to another point of view. Usually when a friend shares their perspective, situations seem less daunting. If you have a friend with a good sense of humor, all the better.

Build a social circle of positive people. The uplifting spirit is contagious. Surrounded by people who see opportunitues, rather than difficult times, is a sure way to change your perspective.

4-Let go
Letting go can feel as if a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Every moment can be new again when we learn to let go. The decision lies within yourself to begin the process. Often a practice of meditation can help you develop this ability. Some people  may be capable of recognizing their negative mental processes, and simply shutting them down.

Letting go does not have to mean leaving a conflict unresolved. Instead it allows us to resolve this conflict with all of the resources at our disposal. Try resolving a conflict when you cannot let go of a particular thought process. Chances are that you will end up in a self defeating circle. Dropping all of the mental chatter which is distracting you from your goals will give you clarity.

So how do you let go exactly? Take a deep breath, relax your shoulders and tell yourself that you want to. All of those meandering thoughts running through your mind are being consciously created. When you consciously tell yourself to stop, you remove the process. You control your mental processes, not the other way around. The mind is presenting what it believes to be solutions to your current situation. Sometimes they work, while often they might be remnants of old patterns of thinking.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them” – Albert Einstein

Choose to free yourself from circular patterns of thought. Freeing up your mind to move forward in the moment will give you a chance to live each moment happily.

5-Live your values
Living your values will put a smile on your face each and every time. I would also place this suggestion under the category of character building. It may come easier for some individuals and can also be dependent on individual circumstances. Regardless of present circumstances, it’s still well worth the effort to ensure that you are acting in a way which is inline with your self-image.

There may be times in life which cause us to act in a way that does not fall in line with correct action. Some of these situations involve things which we never envisioned taking place; such as losing a job or someone causing harm to a family member. In difficult times it might be easy to rationalize an incorrect course of action. In cases like this, it’s best to remember that you are not your thoughts or actions. They are transient experiences, which must be learned from, if you are going to change in a positive direction.

Realizing the transient nature of these actions or feelings will allow you to course correct for the future.

Take for instance someone who is working in a sales job to maintain their finances. It’s quite possible that they are selling a product they don’t truly stand behind. This can be the cause of mixed emotions. How do you get by day-to-day when you are acting in a way which you don’t think is correct?

Another example can be someone who is promoted to an executive position within their company. What happens when they become overwhelmed with work, but need the income to support their family? Even though it may be a position that took a great deal of effort to attain, the individual might not be happy. It then becomes of vital importance to reconcile what is most important to the individual. Once the decision is made about what holds greater importance, then taking action to make it reality becomes paramount.

Removing cognitive dissonance from your life will help you live with conviction. Knowing that your actions fall in line with your values will create certainty in your mind. This  certainty leads to confident behavior along with correct action. With such positive action in your life there is no doubt  that happiness will accompany everything that you do.

In my next post, I’ll give you 5 more ideas for creating happiness in your life – right now!