Personal Fires

One thing at a time. It’s all you’re capable of. Whether or not you believe yourself to be working on many things, it’s not actually true. You are actually working on one thing while being distracted by others.

You can see that this is true if you become aware of your mental chatter when you are focused on a task. If you are thinking about what’s coming up next, or what troubles you may have getting it finished, then these are simply concepts which are floating through your mind.

These concepts aren’t always necessarily helpful. So it’s important to be aware of them. The reason to be aware of them is so that you can recognize how much energy they are taking from you. If you have background noise going on while you are trying to put your efforts into something; can you see how that will require more energy?

It’s likely that you feel stressed out, because you don’t know how to quiet this mental chatter. Or possibly it’s an anxious feeling which you constantly experience. It’s as if something is missing from the present moment but your not quite sure what.

It’s difficult when this mental habit overshadows everything you attempt to do. You may wonder how come you are not as focused as you once were. You might think that you are not capable of dedicating yourself to only one thing at a time.  Nothing could be further from the truth. You are completely capable. It is this capability which is contributing to the mental feedback you’re getting.

It’s not necessarily your fault that this mental habit has developed. We live in a very fast paced society, where more and more is expected from us. We are expected to keep up with work, take care of the children, communicate with friends and family, and maintain a household. On top of that, you may be attending school in order to acquire advanced skills to advance in your career. All this is going on with the background noise of the news media contributing to our worries.

While it may feel as if the news is important,  we should not allow the media to have an impact on the present concern. If you are constantly worried about the economy, or war, or political decisions, there is no wonder why you can’t stay focused! There is simply too much on your plate at one time.

If you want to get rid of that nagging voice; then you need to make a decision. You must make a conscious choice that you will not distract yourself with thoughts that do not have a present concern. Sure, at some point you may want to address these issues, but you must do it in your own time. You cannot save the world, and focus on your current task  at the same time!

I know that this mindset might seem to belittle some of the cares which you have right now. So what though! Are these cares helping you or hindering you? I think it would be safe to say that they aren’t contributing to your success. After all, successful people are focused. They know what they can control, and what they cannot. A successful individual knows that you can only handle one thing at a time.

Perhaps the image that you have of a successful person is someone who is constantly working. Is it important to be constantly moving in order to attain success? What does success mean to you? Are you comparing it to someone else’s idea of success?

I bring up success because I think it’s what most people tend to be striving for in one way or another. I could be wrong about this. Of course the idea of success is different for everyone. Some may think that success is eliminating poverty or disease; while others see success as acquiring material wealth. Whatever your idea of success is, it must be realized one step at a time. To put too much pressure on yourself while you work towards your goals, will not help you. In fact, whether you reach your goals or not,  will you have enjoyed the process of getting there?

If you are the type of person who has thoughts, concepts or ideas constantly on the backburner, then let them stay there. Just make sure that they are not showing themselves as a string of thoughts which interrupt you while you are dedicated to working on something else. I know this statement might seem contradictory. How is it possible to have something on the backburner, without having constant thoughts related to it? Easy – write it down, and forget about it. You will come back to it, if it’s important.

The habit of staying completely present may not come easily at first. Though, I highly recommend making a committed effort to do so. If you start to see yourself as someone who is highly aware, focused and present,  rather than someone who is always worried or distracted, then you will surely notice a change in your thinking.

In order to become a person who is focused entirely in the present, I strongly recommend practicing meditation. If meditation is something which you are completely uninterested in, thats ok. Maybe you would be better off starting a hobby. Or take an activity which you already do, and just remind yourself to be completely immersed while you do it. Eventually this mindset will carry over to other activities.

Acting from this centered, highly focused state will allow you to access creative insights which you may have been missing out on before. Have you ever noticed, that while you are just relaxed and having fun, interesting ideas seem to pop into your head out of nowhere? It has everything to do with a state of “flow”.

I’ve challenged myself personally to act more in a state of present awareness. Within a short period of time I’ve noticed a dramatic change in the amount of mental chatter I consciously engage in. I encourage you to challenge yourself, and see how it feels to “turn off” the mental chatter and just let go. I promise you that you will be glad that you did. After all, what are you really missing out on?

For those of you not old enough to get the full meaning behind the title; Memorex is a company that was a big player in the field of recording media. When cassettes were at the forefront of technology, the biggest issue was the quality of recording you could get. Memorex ran a series of commercials suggesting that recordings made on their tape would be so good you’d have to ask, “Is it real? Or is it Memorex?”

Here’s where I’m going with this. Our subconscious minds control our physical bodies, but our conscious minds can be used to program our subconscious.

For example, if you want to do something physical, like pick up a book, you may think that your conscious mind is controlling the action. Not so. Your conscious mind only sets the intention and monitors progress. It is your subconscious that controls all of the muscle functions required to walk across the room and reach for the book. You could not possibly do it with your conscious mind; there are far too many things involved.

Dr. Wayne Dyer uses the best example I’ve ever heard to demonstrate how the subconscious controls the physical. This works better if someone speaks it to you, but you can still get a feel for it by reading through the process.

Close your eyes and imagine you are standing at your kitchen counter. In front of you is a wooden cutting board. On it sit a sharp knife and a lemon. The lemon is very large – almost as big as an orange – and beautiful. The color is a deep yellow.

In your mind, pick up the lemon. Feel the weight of it in your hand. It has mass. It presses against your fingers as you move it in the air. Feel the texture of it. Its skin is tacky and full of large pores.

Now, raise the lemon to your nose and sniff. Smell the fresh citrus.

When you are ready, put the lemon back on the cutting board and pick up the knife. Use it to cut the lemon in half. See the juice squirt as you make the cut. This is the ripest, juiciest lemon you’ve ever seen.

Cut off a one-inch thick slice, and then cut that slice in half so you now have a couple of nice, thick half-moon pieces. Pick one up. Feel the juice run across your fingers as you raise it to your face. The lemon smell is even stronger. Now, open your mouth and take a big bite of it, filling your mouth with lemon pulp.

Right now, what’s happening in your mouth? Are your saliva glands working overtime? Can you taste the lemon?

But, wait! There’s no lemon! How is this possible?

It’s possible because you’ve seen, held, smelled and (probably) tasted lemon before. Your mind has recorded that information, and when you imagined doing those things again, that tape recorder between your ears simply replayed the experience.

But what’s truly amazing is that the physical world (your body, and specifically, your mouth) responded as if it was really happening!

This demonstration works as well as it does because of the strength of our bodies’ reaction to the sensations we experienced the first time we smelled, tasted, etc., a lemon. The same thing happens when we replay a recording of the same activities, only using something more bland, like a banana or a graham cracker. It’s just that the reactions are a lot more subtle, so they are harder to notice.

The physical body will react to the mental impression in exactly the same way it reacts to the physical impression.

So, what happens if you have no prior experience with something you are imagining? As an example, most people in the U.S. have never had any exposure to durian. It’s a fruit found in southeast Asia.

If you tried the above experiment, using durian as the subject, you would have very little, if any, reaction from your physical self. This is because your subconscious mind has no reference, no recording to play back.

On the other hand, if I gave you this description of it I found on the Internet…

“Walk through the vegetable stalls in Singapore or Bangkok during durian season and you’ll swear the city’s sewage disposal system is on the blink. English novelist Anthony Burgess, in fact, has said that dining on durian is a lot like eating vanilla custard in a latrine.”

…even though you still had never even seen it, you would have a physical reaction.

So, we now know why creative visualization doesn’t work for some people; they have no frame of reference. It’s virtually impossible for someone earning $300 a week to imagine what it’s like to make $1,000,000 in a year, and believe it’s possible for them. They’ve never done anything like that. It’s not recorded in their subconscious. There’s no tape to replay.

Even believing that they could make just another $100 per week can be difficult. After all, that’s a 33% increase in income. On the other hand, someone earning $50,000 per year can easily believe that they can find another job that would pay them $55k. It’s a much smaller leap of faith.

BUT! Visualization does work, and it can work for everyone. Here’s how:

First, we need to understand that – NEWSFLASH! – people are different. Some of us need only to be told that something is possible, and we will accept it completely. Others need to be shown the proof, in no uncertain terms.

If you are among the fortunate ones who can imagine yourself in a scenario, can invest emotion into it and believe in it, you need only create your desired situation in your mind and focus on it. See yourself in it, living it, enjoying it. Create a vision board. Use affirmations. Whatever ‘clicks’ for you (you’ll know it when it happens) is what you should use.

Those who need a more grounded technique will simply need more time. The same techniques mentioned above can work for you, too, but they will take much more time. Never-ending repetition (brainwashing) will slowly change your beliefs, but it’s not any fun, and few of us have the willpower to subject ourselves to it voluntarily. Instead, I suggest a baby-steps method.

Start by choosing an area of your life you’d like to improve. Since we were just talking about income, let’s use that topic.

Your objective at first is to bring more money into your life; not necessarily to be paid more on your job. Pick a believable dollar amount that would make you feel good, and a time frame that is reasonable. For example; $500 in 60 days. If $500 is too big to believe, go with $100, or $50. The specific amount is not important, but it should be just big enough for you to feel a little bit of surprise when it happens. And a little bit of pride, too!

Dedicate a few minutes (10-20 is all you need) a day to focusing on this extra money coming into your life. Make plans for what you’ll do with it, and imagine how you’ll feel when you get to spend the money.

Do not put any attention on how the money will appear. Do not try to plan a method to obtain it. Do not spend time questioning whether this will work, or coming up with reasons why it won’t. This exercise is about having fun, so focus on that. You don’t have to believe in it, and it’s OK to feel foolish doing it (a common issue in the beginning). You should be able to smile about it at the end of each session, so have fun with it.

This is a set-it-and-forget-it process. Focus on the goal during the appointed time, and forget about it the rest of the day. If you are diligent about this activity, you WILL see that extra money come into your life in the designated time frame.

* There are few hard and fast rules in this game, but I’m going to suggest that you abide by this one: You MUST spend this extra money in a way that makes you feel good. It MUST be used for something fun. No bill paying, unless it’s a final payment on a credit card or car loan, etc. – something you can celebrate! *

Try it, and let us know what happens.

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I’m a big fan of the TV show ‘Two And A Half Men’, and a line from that show is the basis for this post.

For those who may not be familiar with the show, it’s about two brothers. Charlie, played by Charlie Sheen, is a hard-drinking playboy who lives on the beach in Malibu. For him, life is a game. His brother, Alan, played by John Cryer, has been forced to come live with Charlie after divorce puts him into financial straits. Alan is uptight and anal, and resents the ease with which good things come to Charlie.

In the episode in question, Charlie has injured his “male parts” while having sex, and Alan has accompanied him to the hospital to be inspected. The doctor turns out to be a beautiful young woman, and Charlie can’t help but hit on her. Alan is amazed and appalled, and when the doctor leaves the room, he gives Charlie an earful of his opinion.

Charlie’s response: “The difference between you and me is that when life gives me a lemon, I make lemonade. When life gives you a lemon, you bite in and suck it inside out.”

Anyone who has spent any time in self-reflection or self-improvement studies is likely nodding his or her head right now. It’s pretty easy to see how attitude effects us all. What’s not as easy is knowing how to make changes in our attitude. I’m looking forward to sharing more perspectives, techniques, and tools for doing just that here in 2010.

Wishing you a great year!
Tim Star

In my last post, I listed 5 ways to create happiness in your life – right now!  Here are ideas 6-10.

6-Accept things as they are – Especially yourself
Self-acceptance can be a profound step towards realizing your happiness. I say realizing your happiness, because it lies inherently within, always waiting for a chance to be brought out.

We all spend a great deal of our time attempting to live up to standards of society. Whether it’s the standards which your parents or friends set for you, we are constantly trying to make others happy. Doing this sets us up to live a life which is not our own. Reclaiming your life is one of the most powerful things you can choose to do, in order to assure your own happiness.

As much effort as you place into making others happy, you will never be able to fulfill all of their expectations. It is up to them to assure their own happiness. So the best thing you can do for them, is to live your life while helping them realize their own inherent beauty.

“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. ” – Salvador Dali

As people we are innately imperfect. We will always contain a vision of what we hope to be, which will exceed what we actually are. There are people out there who have achieved high levels of success but still cannot find satisfaction.  Holding yourself to a high standard is good. It becomes a hindrance though, when you compare yourself to an ideal self which you haven’t had time to actualize. Seeing yourself as capable of accomplishing everything you hope to, is healthy for your self-image. We have to realize though that the self that we want to be, may not always be in line with the self that we are. You cannot compare the two. You are perfect even with all of your perceived shortcomings. The self-image begins to suffer when we compare ourselves to an ideal self, or judge our achievements against someone else’s. Recognize this habit when you do it, and cut it from your mental process.

An excellent way to grow the habit of self-acceptance is to practice metta meditation. This meditation is also known as “loving-kindness meditation”. It will allow you to truly accept things as they are, while extending the same compassion to others. This practice will help you build strong personal relationships which is important to living a life full of happiness.

7-Feel your breath.
I mean really FEEL your breath.  If you practice meditation then you realize how much importance is placed on breathing. For good reason.

Focusing on the breath does several positive things for us.
- Switches focus from mental chatter to present awareness
- Slows you down, removing the sense of being rushed
- Relaxes the sympathetic nervous system (Which is activated in times of stress)
- Proper breathing brings more oxygen into your system

When you focus on the breath,  your body, your mind and sense of time will come to focus on this single point. Enough cannot be said about the positive effects of focusing on your breath.  There are several techniques which can guide you to developing a healthy breathing method. Breathing properly will alleviate some of the stress caused by tense muscles, along with other symptoms caused by misuse of the body.

The body is a structure composed of several finely balanced systems. We use these systems in such harsh ways all throughout the day. This use can take its toll in many forms. By establishing good breathing habits, we can come to notice the balance which needs to be maintained in our body. The balancing effects of proper breathing will extend to balancing the mind and emotions. Regulating emotions will help you become more in tune with a state of happiness, even in times of stress.

8-Listen to some music
Everyone should have a musical selection which lifts their mood. Whether its an old album which reminds you of your youth, or a cutting edge band which gives you a good vibe, choose something that speaks to your soul.

There is a ton of music out there. Just because it’s played on the radio doesn’t mean it’s good.  Take some time to get familiar with bands which aren’t found on the pop charts. Try listening to something which you hadn’t considered before. Classical music isn’t strictly for college professors or doctor’s office waiting rooms. At the same time, all Hip-Hop isn’t necessarily strictly for urban youth.

You may be surprised at what really moves you. Inspiring messages can be found in music across cultures. Which is why it’s so important to open yourself up to trying new things.

If you’re really having trouble finding something,  just ask a friend who their favorite band is. Hopefully you’ll discover something which is entertaining as well as enlightening.

Recently I’ve been enjoying the genre of  ambient music. Ambient music is great for playing in the background while you work because it doesn’t  have a vocal track. The laid back instrumentals really help you stay focused while providing an uplifting rhythm to keep you energized. If your interested in something like this, then check out the multitude of stations available on itunes radio. I find that the “Groove Salad” station always seems to play just what I need at the time. To access it, download the itunes player (http://www.apple.com/itunes/); then on the left hand side, under library, you will be able to select “radio”. From there you will see the available genres.

It may take a bit of searching but I’m certain you’ll find something there which suits your needs. Best of luck and happy listening!

9-Doodle
I love to draw. It calms my nerves and clears my mind.  Sometimes though it can become frustrating.  It only becomes frustrating though, when trying to create something which must live up to a critical judgment.   Thats why I recommend doodling.  Not only is it great practice for training visual memory, but also,  anyone can do it . Chances are pretty good that you doodled through most of your boring classes in school.

Doodling is fantastic, because it allows you to really let go. There is no particular aim with doodling, so there is no judgmental voice. Whether you scratch out a few squiggly lines, or draw a stick figure army, it’s going to release stress.

Doodling can be compared to something like stream-writing. It’s a tool which we can use to access areas of the subconscious. When you doodle with no particular aim, then whatever is on your mind will just jump out onto the paper. Often this happens without you even realizing it.

Just set some time aside and tell yourself that you are not going to focus on anything else but this task.  If you are more of a verbal than visual person though, you may prefer stream-writing. Either way, be sure to set about 10 minutes aside for the task. Remind yourself that this is the only thing that is important right now while letting your mind forget about your worries. Then, doodle to your heart’s content.

The more you focus on what you’re doing then the more you will forget about you worries. Have fun, and draw something crazy. How often do you get to exercise your imagination during the work day? This could be just the mental stretch you needed to help you express your inner child.

10-Watch a comedy bit
There are so many great comedy routines out there.  Comedy has evolved so much thanks to the work of comics who were not afraid to push their boundaries. There’s no need to listen to comic legends just to get a hearty laugh though.  Whether you like lighthearted humor, or a clever play on words, you should be able to find what you are looking for online.  Just do a quick search on youtube for your favorite comedian. You might not find the routine you were looking for, but it’s possible that you’ll find material which you never knew existed.

Laughing is a good way to take a mental break. There is a reason that people say laughter is the best medicine. Humor is at the heart of what it means to be alive. When we take life too seriously we become worn out. Humor is a quick way to inject a bit of happiness in your life when you need it most.

If you don’t have time to read and apply everything here, do the next best thing and watch this video: Don’t Worry Be Happy!